Sometimes a breakup is the end-all moment where the communication stops completely. Sometimes a breakup brings a couple together later on. But more often than not, the heart breaker or heart broken lingers around comfortable ground making the moving on part seem impossible. So when you are the one who was caught off guard, how do you detach from the one who broke your heart?
With this in mind, I thought back to my own first big something. I wouldn’t call it love because we were never official, but I wouldn’t call it a fling either because after three intoxicating yet suffocating years, it still isn’t over.
In March 2008I came home to an unofficial breakup. He said he started seeing someone new (and by new he meant- and I quote, “exactly like you, but blonde”). At first I didn’t react, then I overreacted, then I just gave up feeling anything. Even though we weren’t in a relationship, it sure felt like a breakup. We had to split our friends, worry about running into each other at the mall, at a restaurant; even the nightclubs were a possible battleground.
Over the year and a half of his relationship with blonde-me, I tried my best to keep my distance and for the most part, I did. But whenever I felt like I started to move on, my phone would have a message from a familiar number and like a moth to a flame, I was right back where I didn’t want to be.
Luckily, this summer he moved back to his former stomping grounds in the south, far from Long Island, far from Penn State. I thought I was finally in the clear, but like old times, he sent me a message informing me that he’ll be home for Thanksgiving. That, and he is single now.
Part of me was furious that he had no problem messaging me for a booty call, but part of me couldn’t help but smile that things with blonde-me didn’t work out so well. Yet, the victorious brunette-me took a second to thinkand it finally dawned on me- why the hell was I happy to hear from the guy who walked out of my life just as easily as he came into it?
Breakups are never a pleasing experience but half of the time we make them worse by keeping a toxic person in our lives. Over the course of the blonde-me saga, he would want to see me and I was right there with little or no hesitation. I was happy when he would give me attention, but then miserable when I went back to the girl in the back of his mind, the girl who couldn’t get a minute of his time and worst of all, the girl on the side. I put up with him longer than I should have all because I thought the future us could erase the past us every time.
I knew it’d be hard, but I finally realized that everyone around me was right and maybe I do deserve a hell of a lot better. It sounded cliché, but if he left me hanging before, what would stop him from doing it again? The truth is, no matter how many “I miss you,” “it was a mistake,” or “she’s not like you,” you hear, it wont make up for the other negative things he’s made you feel in the past. And once you can look past the overused lines, it feels like a burden is lifted off your shoulders. When it comes down to it, I’d much rather go out with my girlfriends solo than go see the guy who can’t seem to figure out what he wants and has been dragging me along for the ride the entire time.
I guess when Thanksgiving comes and his booty call goes unanswered, turkey won’t be the only thing that will be getting stuffed this year. Revenge has never felt SO good.
by Diana Rodriguez